Stella B

This is Stella:

Stella, as you may have deduced, is a cat. She is a good cat. But. She has very short legs. This will become relevant.

So, last night I went to bed early, because I knew I had to get up early, because we are going to Disney World next week. And I needed to be up early so I could book lightning lanes because waiting in lines is fine with me but according to my back, it's just not on. So early to bed, early to rise, yo ho ho and a bottle of rum. Hubs stayed up while I went sleepytime.

Around 11:30pm I wake up because Stella is being VERY insistent that attention be paid to her.

She sounded something like this:

MEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEEEEEOWMEOOOOOOWMEOWMEOWHEYMOMISAIDMEOWWAKEUPMOMMEOWMEOWMEOWMEEEEEFUCKINGOWWWWWW

And then she stood on me and starting making biscuits while continuing to insist that she requires pets RIGHT MEOW. I was sleeping on my side. She stood on my shoulder and started making paws on my hip. Except....see those short l'il legs? They make it hard for her to maintain her balance while she does her kneading so she is constantly shifting her weight from side to side in a motion that is very much similar to a humpty hump.

So finally, between the MEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEOW and HUMPTY HUMP I'm all like gaddangit cat, I am awake, WHAT DO YOU WANT????

And then I realize the husband has not come to bed yet and I'm all OMG what if something is wrong and the cat is trying to alert me so I run down to the basement and there he is, playing video games.

Sigh.

I mean, he was basically killing time because he was waiting for his meatballs to finish cooking so he'd have them for lunch the next day but STILL.

He left me vulnerable to the Midnight Humper. I must be avenged.