Conversations with The Husband (First in a series)

Scene: Friday night Halloween party at a dark and crowded bar. My costume, is, well.......lacking. I was planning on wearing a hoodie that says "I'm a Cat" but decided it would be too warm. So I have on a black top, black pleather mini skirt, black knee high boots, fishnets, and a cat ears headband. Affixed to my top are NINE buttons. Each button pictures a book cover from various fairy tales. No one know what I am supposed to be. I was all proud of my cleverness but now I am feeling deflated and lame.

“The problem with this costume is that it is too subtle. You can’t really tell what’s on the buttons unless you get all up close and in my bosoms to read the buttons. And no one wants to…..well. No. That’s obviously not true”.

“I mean, unless you’re feeding a baby, boobs have no real purpose”

“That’s not true! They’re good for….um….holding one’s cell phone whilst dancing”

“You can hold your phone in your elbow or armpit”

“Well that’s not practical! What if want to do the Macarena? I am much more likely to do the Macarena at a party than I am to flash my tits.”

No one contradicts me so I continue. “Okay, fine. Boobs are also drink holders.” And I pull back the neckline of my top so I can rest my cup on my bosom shelf.

“I can do that too!” And he pulls away his shirt collar and traps the cup between his chest and collar so the collar of his shirt holds the cup stable.

“Yeah but you can’t do THIS!” and I pull away my collar and the cup remains in place. “GAME SET MATCH BOYYYYYYY”